Four Tons of Pot Mysteriously Appear Off California Coast
(A Parody) by: TJ Larson
An estimated 4 tons of marijuana was found off the coast of California this week.
Authorities said they recovered more than 100 individual bales, totaling close to 8000 pounds with an estimated street value of $3.6 million, near the coast of Dana Point, Calif.
Officials are still unsure where the weed came from or how it found its way into the ocean, but a U.S. Border Patrol spokesman speculates it was dumped by drug smugglers (Go figure!).
“At other events, they’ve dumped the bales to get rid of weight if they’re being chased. Generally in these cases we’re aware they’re being dumped. What’s more unusual is that the bales were floating with no boat in sight,” said spokesman Micheal Jiminez.
So far there have been no reports of sea creatures or birds acting erratically, hopefully allaying concerns that animal life may have partaken of the suspicious bud, however, there is an unconfirmed report of at least one seagull that, “puffed but did not inhale,” according to a source who asked not to be identified.
At this time, no one has come forward to claim the lost cargo, and no decision has been made by Pacific Cod on whether they will now actively join in the campaign for national legalization of marijuana, according to spokesman Gadus Macrocephalus.