Bad case of indigestion saves man from attacking bear

A man was saved from almost certain death last night, after coming face-to-snout with a hungry grizzly bear that entered his home.

The man, who asked not to be identified, told reporters that he was on his way to the bathroom to get an antacid tablet to treat his indigestion when he heard a noise in his kitchen. Knowing that he was alone in the residence, the man assumed there was a burglar in the house, so he quietly crept back into his bedroom where he retrieved an aluminum baseball bat he kept beside his bed.

He then went into the kitchen and snapped on the light, only to see a 700-pound grizzly bear rifling his refrigerator. The man attempted to exit the kitchen without attracting his uninvited guest’s attention, but it was too late. As the man slowly backed out of the kitchen, he accidentally knocked over a waste can near the entrance.

The huge bear swung around to confront the man while holding a can of beer in one of its paws and began walking toward him snarling and growling. The man, armed only with a baseball bat, promptly became paralyzed with fear.

“When I turned on that light, all I could see was bear hide… It looked like my fridge was wearing a fur coat,” he said. “That’s when he turned an seen me. I really thought I was a goner.”

Then suddenly, the combination of fear and a sour stomach caused the man to pass gas. Unbelievably, the bear stopped advancing toward the man, then turned and fled through the door it came through in the kitchen and into the night.

Apparently the malodorous aroma of flatulence emanating from the frightened man was offensive enough to the bear’s sensitive nose to cause the animal to flee the home. Wildlife experts said that although bears do have extremely sensitive noses, they had never heard of a case where a would-be victim was saved by breaking wind.

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